6 Tips On Creating A Supportive Community
When you are in the midst of raising a young family, it can feel like you have no time to socialize and engage with the community like you did before you had children. Other times, parenting has led to challenges where you can’t do it alone—you need support. Carving out some time in your busy schedule and being intentional about developing a relationship with a community or seeking a support group has a lot of benefits for both you and your family.
According to research, the benefits of being part of a supportive community include:
Receiving emotional support
Improving overall physical health
Reduces the risk of death
Opportunities to practice social skills
Increasing confidence in social situations
Developing stronger friendships
Discovering a bigger purpose based on your community’s needs and your strengths
Sharing responsibilities
Greater resilience when coping with adversity
Creating a new community does not happen overnight. It takes time, persistence, and lots of patience. Your individual circumstances influence your community. Maybe you are starting all over again because you moved to a new town or country. Maybe you changed and you do not feel you belong in your old community. Whatever the circumstances, you are not alone even if you feel lonely.
Let’s take a moment to talk more about loneliness. According to research 33% of Americans feel lonely regularly and it is considered a public health issue. So although loneliness is about feeling disconnected from others - the shear volume of people having this feeling on a daily basis thereby connects us in this odd way - doesn’t it? One last statistic, 51% of mothers of young children feel lonely. Over half!
So now let me share my life situation seven years ago. I had a second child, a home renovation, and we were living in a new town. My husband was gone 12 hours a day, four days a week. My closest relatives were an hour away. I felt overwhelmed and scared because of all the responsibilities of being a young mom, the newness of the town, and not knowing anyone.
Let’s pause.
Yup, it was like a storm that was carrying me right towards loneliness. At the time I was completely unaware of how the situation I was in often led to the feeling of loneliness, especially without the right tools and skills . What I wanted and needed? To feel supported, loved and like I belonged. Fortunately I learned some valuable lessons about myself and how to create connections and a community from scratch.
Here are six tips to help you connect with a supportive community:
Understand your values and family values.
This way you can be sure to connect with others who share common values because it often leads to stronger connections. With that said, it doesn’t mean all your values need to align with other community members. You can create a bond with someone even if you just share one common value. (Remember, a diverse community is a healthy community.)
Schedule regular meetups.
Do not just rely on meeting up with people naturally or organically. Talk with support groups and community members and have everyone put days and times on their schedules. Regular meetups are important to developing deeper friendships and feeling supported.
Share your story and learn about theirs.
This tip is more for introverted parents or parents with social anxiety, who may struggle with the socializing. Opening up and sharing some of your story, as well as asking questions about other community members’ lives, is how you become friends. Is it a little scary at first? Yes! But the more you practice the more comfortable you will become. Bonus Tip: Try practicing by talking to yourself in the mirror before you head out.
Volunteer for a cause that is important to you.
A great place to meet like-minded people are at local non-profit organizations. You are not only giving back to your local community, but hopefully finding one too. Plus volunteering can help further boost feelings of happiness according to research published in the Journal of Happiness Studies. (I know what you are thinking, there cannot be a Journal of Happiness Studies, but there is!)
Make the first move.
When you meet someone for the first time, like a parent at the library or a new neighbor, make the first move and start a conversation. Say hi and introduce yourself. If you feel nervous or don’t know what to say, ask questions about them like, “How old are your kids?” If you wait for someone else to start the conversation, you will miss a lot of opportunities for growing your community.
Participate in local activities.
Get out of your house and enjoy the activities your town, county, or park district host. Examples include farmers’ markets, festivals, parades, concerts, and plays. This is a great way to feel connected even if you don’t know anyone because you are likely going to be participating with people who live in or around your town. And if you practice number five (Make the first move), these events offer a wealth of opportunity.
When searching for parenting communities and parenting support groups, don’t just think local. Somewhere there are others going through a similar life situation or parent situation like you. Sometimes they don’t always live next door! So, broaden your horizons and consider online communities or virtual support groups as well.
Online Resources and Parenting Support Groups
My Team Tangerine offers an advertisement free subscription-based resources for parents and homeschoolers. We offer subscribers lots of printables, blogs, videos, podcasts and more along with a private Facebook Group for parents. We also offer eCourses and free printables.
Parents Helping Parents is a non-profit organization that offers a wide range of support groups, from parent support groups to mental health support groups. They even have a 24/7 parents stress line. You can find both virtual and in-person support groups via their website.
Other Parents Like Me is another resource to support parents who have children with mental health issues or substance abuse. They offer online events and support groups, educational articles and mentors. Parents also share stories to connect with other parents like them.
Single and Parenting provides divorced and single parents resources, from finding a local single parent group to educational seminars and articles.
DivorceCare has a 13-week online program to offer divorced parents flexible and easy-to-access support. They have educational programs and will help you find local divorce support groups as well.
Facebook also offers an array of public and private groups you can join for parenting, mental health, divorce, and more.
Books
You Will Find Your People by Lane Moore
Lane Moore is an academy-award writer and comedian. In her book, Lane Moore gives some friendly advice on friendships based on her own life experiences. But mostly she shares through stories and humor her own experiences to let others know they are not alone in the sometimes messy world of relationships. If you enjoy Lane Moore’s sense of humor and wit, you may also enjoy her podcast- I Thought is was Just Me.
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Seen Deeply by David Brooks
David Brooks is a New York Times bestselling author. Through psychology, neuroscience, history and philosophy David Brooks explores the art of connecting with others more deeply. He asks thoughtful questions and poses potential solutions for a culture seeking to connect more, belong and feel a bit less lonely.
Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides by Geoffrey L. Cohen
Stanford University professor Geoffrey Cohen shares his research and experiences, and explores the ways in which people can develop a sense of belonging. This book provides practical guidance to help bridge the gap between our differences in order to connect and feel a sense of belonging.
Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends by Marisa G. Franco
Dr. Marisa Franco uses her skills as a psychologist and research-based strategies in this book to fully explore friendships. She debunks myths, common barriers, and shares with the reader research-proven methods in cultivating and maintaining friendships.
Braving The Wilderness by Brené Brown
Social scientist, author and speaker Brené Brown, shares her personal and professional insights about social connection and belonging. She weaves together personal experiences with easy to follow practical guidelines. This is a great book for anyone new to Brené Brown.
TedTalks
Building Community Through Listening by Johnny Trinh
In this 12-minute talk, Poet Johnny Trinh offers beautiful insight to how we interact or don’t interact with each other based on his experiences with community-based art. He asks questions like who do we listen to? He shows us that opening up to really seeing and listening to each other is key to creating the communities we all want to belong to. He shares the skills and tools he thinks are needed to overcome our prejudices.
Helping Others Makes Us Happier by Elizabeth Dunn
Social psychologist Elizabeth Dunn bridges the gap between research and the practical implications of helping others and volunteering. Through her research she explores how helping and volunteering should be recategorized as a source of pleasure not as just seen as obligation. She also further explores the key components to making helping others feel more pleasurable.
Conclusion
Regardless of what you are going through as a parent, you are not alone. Others just like you are looking for connection, support, and resources to help them feel safe, supported, and create a sense of belonging. It may take some time, but it will be worth it. We wish you the best of luck in finding the support group and a thriving community you deserve.