Teaching Etiquette and Manners to Kids: What is Important?
When you look back in history, etiquette and manners have really evolved. We are not in the Victorian Age where everyone is dressing and acting in this rigid and highly formal fashion. We have become far more flexible and causal with our engagement with everyone around us. We also now have the addition of online interactions that bring up a whole new set of etiquette and manners our Victorian counterparts didn’t have to worry about.
With this evolution of etiquette and manners, it can raise a lot of questions regarding their importance for children, what to teach them, and how to teach it.
What Are Etiquette and Manners?
Often the best place to start is with defining etiquette and manners both for yourself and your child. When you clearly understand a concept, it makes it far easier to explain it to your children. Even though etiquette and manners are different, the words are often used interchangeably.
Society and a culture directly influence social norms. And etiquette is the social code of conduct for those social norms. It is a set of rules that everyone follows in order to have positive social interactions. Etiquette may differ slightly from country to country, or between cultures.
Some examples of etiquette include:
• RSVP to invitations
• Answering the phone with saying hello and providing your name
• Showing up to appointments on time
• Cleaning up after your pet
Manners are a set behaviors that represent your attitude, especially your sense of respect and kindness toward others and yourself. Etiquette creates a social structure where manners can thrive. As mentioned previously, etiquette can change based on social norms and the culture, but manners remain fairly consistent.
Some examples of manners include:
• Saying please and thank you
• Sharing
• Covering a cough or sneeze
• Apologizing
Why Are Etiquette and Manners Still Important?
Respect
Following social etiquette and manners is a sign of respect. For example, when you say please and thank you, people know you respect them on a certain level without you even saying it. When you feel more respected, this often leads to a more positive social interaction and cooperation, which is necessary for any culture to thrive.
Healthy Boundaries
Etiquette and manners create a set of invisible boundaries that we all follow. This includes the distance in which we stand from each other while we are talking, how long we shake hands, and calling before showing up at someone’s house. The boundaries that etiquette and manners create make us all feel more comfortable and safer. So if someone doesn’t follow etiquette or manners, we naturally feel a sense of violation or discomfort, letting us know those healthy boundaries have been broken.
Form of Communication
Etiquette and manners are forms of communication we use with each other. They are symbolic or a way to indirectly communicate. With a world population of over 8 billion people, can you imagine not having some sense of etiquette and manners? It would lead to far more miscommunication than we already have at this time.
Therefore, teaching your children etiquette and manners directly influences how they will interact with people throughout their entire lives, and each child taught to uphold a set of etiquette and manners has the power to influence how future human generations interact. (Hopefully we are all aiming for respectfully and positively.)
Cooperation
Humans have advanced in part because of the way we are able to cooperate and learn from each other. Etiquette and manners play a key role in helping so many people around the globe to show respect, create healthy boundaries, and communicate in a relatively quick fashion. This sets the stage for better cooperation and collaborations to further advance the human race.
As the saying goes, two heads are better than one, and people with better etiquette and manners are more likely to work well with others. It also means that children who understand and use etiquette and manners will likely have more positive social interactions, improved confidence, and longer-lasting relationships.
In conclusion, etiquette and manners are part of the social skills children need to learn in order to thrive in relationships and socially.
A List of Etiquette and Manners to Teach Children
• Saying please and thank you
• Apologizing when necessary
• Opening or holding doors for others
• Smile
• When speaking to someone, make eye contact regularly
• Shaking hands in greeting
• Ask permission
• Say excuse me
• Wait in line
• Share
• Respect personal space
• Electronic device and phone etiquette
• Wash hands after using restroom
• Show appreciation or gratitude
• Greet others kindly
• Avoid interrupting a conversation or when someone is talking
• Cover up when you cough or sneeze
• RSVP to invitations
• Thank you notes
• Be on time or punctual
• Tip servers
• Actively listen when others are talking
How to Teach Etiquette and Manners
• First, set an example for your child through using good etiquette and manners yourself.
• Second, have a conversation or a lesson to describe what etiquette and manners are and why they are important.
• Then provide an example of one to three etiquette or manners.
• Provide scenarios or read books where etiquette and manners are being used. After reading, have a discussion. Here is a great example of how to introduce manners and role playing by The Mighty McClure’s.
• When you are out and about, have your children point out and use etiquette and manners. This way they get practice and learn to recognize when and when not to use specific manners. It creates real-life context for the child.
Additional Etiquette and Manners Resources
Books on Manners
Kids’ Guide to Manners: 50 Fun Etiquette Lessons for Kids by Katherine Flannery
This book doesn’t just offer a list of manners and lessons—it provides practical examples, quizzes, and more. If you are looking for a book to help you get started with teaching your child social skills through good manners, this book creates the perfect guide.
Teaching Kids to Be Kind: A Guide to Raising Compassionate and Caring Kids by Rachel Tomlinson
In her book, Rachel Tomlinson provides 365 days of inspiration and tips for teaching kindness to children. The book helps you and your child expand on basic manners to reach a deeper level of compassion and caring.
52 Modern Manners for Kids by Brooke Romney
Brooke Romney is an author, speaker, and educator who created a great flip book about manners. In this simple and easy to use format, children and teens can review and learn manners. This flip book can also be used as conversation starters about etiquette and manners with your older kids or teens.
Videos on Etiquette and Manners
• “Teaching Children to Make Friends: Introductions” by Jady A.
• “Teaching Phone Etiquette” by Parents
• “A Wise Lesson in Empathy” by Meir Kay