Your Family Values: What Will You Pass Down?
Family values are beliefs and worldviews that we share and teach our children. Family values are created through past family traditions, life experiences, spirituality, and social-political views. No one person has the exact same values. They may be similar, but they are like fingerprints - all unique to each individual. Parenting with more intention and understanding means reflecting on your current family values and deciding what you want to continue to pass down and what you want to change or let go.
1. First, create a list of your top 5 to 10 family values, with the most important being number one on the list. Check out our FREE family values list to help you get started.
2. Then, write one or two active ways you will instill each value with your children. (For example, for the family value of non-violence, you will use peaceful resolution steps to resolve conflict and never lay a hand on your child out of anger.)
3. Discuss your family values with your children during family meetings. With older children, encourage them to start thinking about their own values.
4. Practice making decisions and acting in a way that supports your values.
5. Once a year, sit down and reflect on your family values and make any adjustments to your list. You are constantly growing and changing, and therefore your family values may change too.
Sometimes you may have a family value you are unsure how to actively support in your life. In cases like this, you can pick an action and set the intention that every time you perform that action, it is supporting the family value. For example, if you have a family value of kindness, then you could say, every time I make my child’s lunch for school, I support my value of kindness. The intention (or family value) behind the act becomes an inner dialogue or mantra you say to yourself.
In other situations, you may have a deep seeded belief that doesn’t support a value, but you are unsure how to change or let go of that belief. We all have beliefs that can create inner conflict, but acknowledging those beliefs is the first step to letting go and changing. For example, you may have a family value of responsibilities shared in the household. However, you grew up where the mother/wife carries the majority of that burden, and you continue to act in that same manner. If you have a therapist, discuss this with them and come up with a plan to address it with your partner and family. If don’t have a therapist and you feel comfortable, openly communicate
this with your partner. Then set up clear house rules or boundaries that change the household responsibilities in a way that all family members agree upon. If you have older children, this may require a lot of open conversations during family meetings. If you have younger children, make the adjustments gradually and keep the communication simple and at their level of understanding. If you are not comfortable moving forward just yet, confide to a close friend and/or journal your beliefs and feelings about what you need and want to change.
Lastly, consider these additional tips to help you navigate your family values and what you want to pass down to your children.
❖ Clear communication with yourself, your partner, and family members.
❖ Read books that explore different beliefs, cultures, and family values.
❖ Engage in open conversations with people from different backgrounds.
❖ Mistakes are okay. They are opportunities to learn.
❖ As you reflect and try new things, you will feel lots of feelings. Give yourself permission to be with those feelings until they pass.
Getting curious and developing clear family values is a great way to connect more deeply with yourself, your partner, and your children. This is an opportunity to grow and pass down the values that make a positive impact on your children’s lives.